(This is habit 1 in a series on Stephen Covey’s 7 habits. To learn more, please see the initial post)
We are all affected by different events, which we then respond to. These responses are influenced by a combination of our genes, the upbringing and culture we were raised with, and our environment. However, our responses are not predetermined. We can instead be proactive and work to decide how these events will effect us.
The goal is to be proactive in defining our response and have this be driven by our values, not our emotions or underlying conditioning. By doing this, it allows us to take control of the situation and respond appropriately. As Covey points out, it is our response to what happens that hurt us, not the event itself.
While there are many real pains and heartbreaks we will experience, the key is our attitudinal response to these situations. Being strong and living by our values even when we are in pain and the world feels like it is crashing down around us.
Being proactive in situations involves using your resourcefulness and initiative. Most people let the world happen to them and react to it. You should strive to be different. Take initiative and seek to bring change to the situation in whatever way you can. If the situation is unchangeable (such as an event in the past), be proactive in changing your attitude towards it.
In being proactive, it’s important to classify the different problems you face in the world and focus on those you can control and influence. We all have a circle of concern: things we are concerned about in the world. Within that, we have a smaller circle that we can influence. We need to ignore that which we cannot affect, in order to focus and make actual changes on those that we can influence.
One thing to watch out for during this process is our language usage. We should avoid wanting to “have” something, which is a reactive mindset (have more money, awards, respect). Instead, try to be something (be loving, hardworking), which are things you can proactively change.
In the process of going about our lives and trying to make proactive changes, we are bound to make mistakes. It is critical to be proactive with these and quickly acknowledge the mistake and take any appropriate action to correct and learn from it.
Through these steps, we can be an agent of positive change in our lives and those around us.